DEAR HARRIETTE: I get alongside properly with a girl who has harm lots of my pals prior to now.
Though it occurred a long time in the past, my pals made a standard enemy out of her and haven’t let it go since. I consider that it’s time for them to maneuver on.
I’ve stored my friendship with this lady a secret to spare my pals’ emotions, however the longer I conceal it, the more serious it is going to be after they discover out.
How do I inform my different pals that I’m now pleasant with the lady all of them despise?
New Buddy
DEAR NEW FRIEND: Have you ever talked to your new pal about her previous? Why not begin there?
Inform her that you just care about her and you end up in a bind due to her historical past along with your different shut pals. Ask her to let you know her model of what occurred between them years in the past. Discover out what she remembers and the way she thinks in regards to the state of affairs at the moment.
Be ready to listen to that she doesn’t recall the main points. Typically individuals maintain grudges about actual incidents that occurred prior to now, however the perpetrators are oblivious. That doesn’t imply the occasions didn’t happen, solely that the reminiscences are extra important for some than for others.
Get a way from her of who she thinks she was again then and the way she believes she has modified.
Subsequent, speak to your pals. Admit that you’ve got turn out to be pleasant with this lady. Observe that, as an grownup, she has traits that you just like. Level out how she behaves now and what you want about her. Apologize for not telling them sooner and level out that you just didn’t wish to harm anybody’s emotions.
You do not want to attempt to get everybody to turn out to be pals as adults. This lady might find yourself being your pal solely, and that’s high-quality, however it is going to be good for the secrecy to finish.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I grew up poor. I knew whilst a toddler that I’d by no means wish to increase my kids in a poor family.
I’m now an grownup with three kids of my very own, and I’m past grateful that I’m capable of give my children all the pieces that I couldn’t have.
The issue is that as a result of I’ve the means, I don’t know when to say no. My kids get no matter they need, and it’s making them spoiled and bratty. How do I study when to say no to my kids?
Spoiled Children
DEAR SPOILED KIDS: Take a step again and take into consideration what you valued most as a toddler once you had been rising up. Given that you just had restricted means, there was most likely one particular toy or merchandise that you just treasured.
Begin speaking to your kids about what they’ve and worth their possessions and their experiences. Give them chores to finish to be able to obtain additional rewards. Set boundaries round what they’ll have and when.
They received’t like this at first, however it could assist them recognize what you give them.
Requiring your kids to make use of an allowance to purchase their very own luxuries might assist them to study the worth of cash and see how rapidly it disappears in the event that they aren’t cautious with it.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their desires. You’ll be able to ship questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
