New girlfriend fears guy is a chump – Chicago Tribune

Pricey Amy: I began seeing “James” three months in the past. I’m 35 and he’s 40. We each have profitable careers, nice communication, and an urge for food for journey. It has made for a tremendous begin, however I wrestle with some baggage.

James has a four-year-old daughter half time, whom I am keen on.

James and his ex “Constance” had been collectively for six years – by no means married. Constance has all the time been a stay-at-home mother, elevating three older youngsters that James considers stepchildren.

Constance left James. He was shattered and confided in me that she will need to have been depressing to depart the monetary safety he offered. The factor is – she nonetheless has it!

For the previous 12 months, Constance and their daughter reside in the home he purchased for the household, no strings – or hire – connected.

Their settlement is that she could keep indefinitely. If she decides to maneuver, he would promote the home and she or he will get half. He additionally pays her month-to-month baby help ($500 greater than is legally required).

Once I expressed how beneficiant he was, James elaborated that he needs his daughter to dwell comfortably, and Constance takes excellent care of the property.

Whereas I love his coronary heart and help, I can’t assist however suppose that James is being overly beneficiant. He and Constance will not be on talking phrases. Constance has been chopping ties between him and her different youngsters.

Her eldest baby has referred to as her a “gold digger” within the course of.

Am I fallacious in agreeing that Constance could also be abusing James’ generosity?

Are splitting belongings like this typical for single {couples}?

I acknowledge his duty to his daughter, however I concern he has been manipulated into financially supporting Constance long run. She has all the time lived off of kid help. It makes me nervous for a possible future collectively.

Shall I communicate up or keep out of it?

– Biting my Tongue

Pricey Biting: You have got been seeing “James” for 3 months. Perceive that he has the fitting to spend his cash any approach he needs to, together with this generosity to an ex who isn’t very good to him.

If he can afford to supply housing for his ex and her youngsters for the indefinite future, and if doing so makes him really feel like he’s doing the fitting factor, then I’d say – good for him!

My solely concern can be that he doesn’t appear to have a authorized settlement together with his ex outlining this association. If that’s the case, she is extra weak than he’s, as a result of he may negate this settlement at any time, particularly if he’s concerned with somebody (you, as an example) who appears to suppose he’s a chump and is influencing him.

My recommendation to you is to take pleasure in your relationship with him and don’t choose his selections except and till they’ve a direct affect on you.

When you two turned severe and had a monetary entanglement, and positively if you happen to moved towards cohabitation or marriage, this may change into your enterprise.

Pricey Amy: I’m a widowed girl (62) and met a person (36) with two younger youngsters.

We’ve been in a relationship for 3 years and up to now I’ve but to satisfy his siblings or mother, I can’t go in his home, and we’ve solely been intimate just a few instances.

Our “relationship” consists of telephone calls and textual content messages.

I’ve invited him and the youngsters to vacation and birthday meals, however he’s all the time obtained different plans.

I’m by no means invited to any household gatherings.

He says he cares for me very a lot – as I do him – however this isn’t working for me. What do you suppose?

– Questioning

Pricey Questioning: I believe this isn’t working for him, both.

I hope you meet a brand new particular somebody who needs to open his life to you. This man … ain’t it.

Pricey Amy: A divorced dad [”Missing Friends”] wrote to you about their “couple” associates siding together with his ex-wife, leaving him lacking their friendship.

I used to be on the opposite aspect of this. I used to be the spouse that was left “taking” all the buddies. I didn’t ask individuals to decide on, they only did.

I discovered that when the mud settled and I invited my ex to occasions, as he did with me, our associates got here round, too, realizing that we may all be at occasions along with no drama.

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Nobody had to decide on sides if we didn’t.

It’s not all the time simple, but it surely’s higher than being unnoticed.

– The Ex

Pricey Ex: Nicely stated. Thanks!

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